I am so at ease

My life has completely changed, once again. Definitely took a turn for the worse, but I knowingly chose that path. Most of my concerns revolve around my work and driving around town. I do feel half dead because the things that stir me are mostly missing. Yet, I also feel like those are the things that used to stir me and I slowly became aware of the necessary changes that I had to make. Maybe it's just my "adult" phase. I have a "good" job, I spend a lot of time with my family, I live at home, I don't go out too much, I don't drink, I don't eat sugar or bread or milk,no caffeine, I take baths for entertainment, I swim 2-3 a week, fitter, happier, more productive. I also live my life repeating the thought that in 4-5 months I will leave for a long time. I depend on that trip to bring me to some kind of turning point. I have to start planning the project that I will be working on during the trip. I am very interested in oral history and I plan on doing some recording of my family and maybe also some written work and photography. I think I will expand that into a whole Bulgaria project, maybe do portraits of people around town and compile it into a website. I plan on starting the trip in April/March and ending in August/September. Most of my time will be spent in Bulgaria, but there will be a a month long tour of Greece, Italy, Spain, Germany to visit family/friends..godfather, Aunt, Andrea, Alina and cousins. It is all still a plan..I am going to NYC in 5 weeks to visit Laure which, I feel, is the first step in my traveling phase.

There is no need to write about how much I don't like my boss and all that stuff.

We bought a new bed..it is our first week sleeping together! Lovely.

I am in Los Angeles now and I plan on being here until I make enough money to leave for a long time. It is very surprising to me that I don't feel the least bit sad or dissatisfied. I also don't long for anyone or anything. Again, my life is running its course with me being the patient observer. I had my first day at work today, which came together very casually. I will assist my mother's friend with her architectural practice and maybe learn some AutoCAD along the way. I also met the man that i will help write a short book (an essay really) about the Hungarian inflation in WWII. He was incerdible. It felt like a Miranda July story about young girls falling in love with dark energies or 85 year-old fencers (the sport). He spoke quickly and clearly with a moderate accent. His hair was snow white and so was his full-body fencing suit. We leafed through his collection of coins and Hungarian currency which was organized with meticulous precision. I also have become the 10 year-old swimming version of me. Again, i can spend hours in the pool...doing laps, diving, floating, anything and everything.